Communication Game: The 36 questions that may lead to love

One of the most popular couple communication games is called "The 36 Questions." It involves asking a series of 36 thought-provoking questions, ranging from light-hearted topics such as "What is your perfect day?" to deeper issues such as "What is your greatest fear?" This game is designed to facilitate emotional vulnerability as couples share personal stories and experiences. As a result, couples find themselves opening up to each other in ways they may not have previously done. This game can help couples to deepen their understanding of each other and strengthen their bond.

The game was developed by psychologist Arthur Aron and his team of researchers, who theorized that sustained eye contact and intimate conversation led to an increased sense of closeness between individuals. The game begins with easy, surface-level questions and slowly progresses towards deeper questions, making it an excellent exercise for couples looking to improve their communication.

One of the significant benefits of The 36 Questions game is that it allows couples to explore each other's feelings and thoughts in a non-judgmental and safe space. In a healthy relationship, it is essential to understand your partner's perspectives and validate their emotions. This game encourages open communication, honesty, and vulnerability, which is essential when building a strong connection.

The game also facilitates introspection and self-discovery for both partners. By asking and answering thought-provoking questions, couples gain insight into their personality and emotions, leading to self-awareness and personal growth. Additionally, by sharing these experiences, couples deepen their understanding of each other, leading to a strengthened bond.

Another benefit of The 36 Questions game is that it allows couples to break down communication barriers. Sometimes, couples have difficulty sharing their thoughts, emotions, and experiences due to fear of judgment or a lack of trust. This game creates a safe and open space where difficult conversations can occur without the risk of criticism or rejection, leading to a greater sense of emotional intimacy and trust.

The 36 Questions game can be a fun and exciting way to spend an evening with your partner. It encourages playful banter, teasing, and flirting, leading to a more relaxed and comfortable atmosphere. The game can be a great way to rekindle the romance, especially after a long period of being together, leading to a renewed sense of connection and passion between partners.

The Rules

The 36 questions are broken up into three equal sets (12 questions each), with a gradual increase in the intensity of self-disclosure. The couple takes turns asking questions over a period of 90 minutes.

The research found these 36 questions were more effective than small talk in building closeness in the relationship and may lead to love.

You’ll take turns with your partner asking these questions, and both answering the questions. It’s important to NOT skip the questions, even if you know the answer to them. Keep in mind, vulnerability brings people closer. The point of these questions is to have sustained, escalating, and reciprocal self-disclosure. Take time having both people answer the questions and truly listen to the answers without judgment.

It’ll look something like this:

· Person A asks the first question.

· Person B answers the first question.

· Deep discussion! Aha moments! Surprises!

· Person A answers the first question.

· Deep discussion! Aha moments! Surprises!

· Person B asks the second question.

· And so on…

Questions

Set 1

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What could constitute a "perfect" day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner (the person you are dating) appear to have in common?

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take 4 minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set 2

1. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else what would you want to know?

2. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?

3. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

4. What do you value most in a friendship?

5. What is your most treasured memory?

6. What is your most terrible memory?

7. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

8. What does friendship mean to you?

9. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

10. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner (the person you are dating). Share a total of 5 items.

11. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?

12. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set 3

1. Make 3 true 'we' statements each. For instance "We are both in this room feeling..."

2. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."

3. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

4. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.

5. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

6. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

7. Tell your partner something that you love about them already?

8. What if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

9. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? What haven’t you told them yet?

10. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

11. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

12. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, as your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.