Saturday, March 5, 2016

30 Quick Questions to Identify your Love Language

What did you do for your sweetheart on Valentine ’s Day? How do you know if he or she truly loves your idea? Or did he or she just not want to hurt your feelings? Can you do better next year? How to speak with your partner in a language he or she understands the best? How to make your partner and yourself the happy as you can be?

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Get your answers by inviting your partner to take the Love Language Quiz!

The 60-second Quiz Questions

For each pair of following statements, circle the one that fits you best your personal preferences within your current relationship. If you are not currently in a relationship, try to imagine how you would like to be treated, if you were in relationship of your dream. Or, think about how you like to be treated by a family members and a close friend you value most.

Do not spend much time on thinking over and over the same questions, if you cannot decide on spot which statement fits you better, try to use spontaneous and intuitive approach, choosing the response on emotional perception level.

1. I like to receive encouraging or affirming notes (A)
    I like to be hugged (E)

2. I like to spend one-to-one time with close friends (B)
    I feel loved when someone gives me practical help (D)

3. I like it when people give me gifts (C)
    I like leisurely visits with friends and loved ones (B)

4. I feel loved when people do things to help me (D)
     I feel loved when people give me a reassuring hand shake or hug (E)

5. I feel loved when someone I love or admire puts their arm around me (E)
     I feel loved when I receive a gift from someone I admire or love (C)

6. I like to go places with friends, or loved ones (B)
    I like to high-five or slap around with friends who are special to me (E)

7. Visible symbols of love (such as gifts) are important to me (C)
    I feel loved when people affirm me (A)

8. I like to sit close to people I enjoy being around (E)
    I like it when people tell me I am attractive/handsome (A)

9. I like to spend time with friends and loved ones (B)
    I like to receive little gifts from friends and loved ones (C)

10. Words of acceptance are important to me (A)
      I know someone loves me when he or she helps me (D)

11. I like being together and doing things with friends & loved ones (B)
       I like it when kind words are spoken to me (A)

12. What someone does affects me far more than what they say (D)
       Hugs make me feel connected and valued (E)

13. I value praise and try to avoid criticism (A)
      Several small gifts mean more to me than one large gift (C)

14. I feel close to someone when we are talking or doing something together (B)
       I feel closer to friends & loved ones when we wrestle, hug or shake hands (E)

15. I like for people to complement my achievements (A)
       I know people love me when they do things for me they don’t enjoy doing (D)

16. I like for people to cross the street to shake hands or hug when they see me (E)
       I like when people listen to me & show genuine interest in what I’m saying (B)

17. I feel loved when friends and loved ones help me with jobs or projects (D)
       I really enjoy receiving gifts from friends and loved ones (C)

18. I like for people to complement my appearance (A)
       I feel loved when people take time to understand my feelings (B)

19. I feel secure when a special person is physically close to me (E)
       Acts of service make me feel loved (D)

20. I appreciate the many things that special people do for me (D)
       I like to receive gifts that special people make for me (C)

21. I really enjoy the feeling I get when someone gives me undivided attention (B)
      I really enjoy the feeling I get when someone does some act to serve me (D)

22. I feel loved when a person celebrates my birthday with a gift (C)
       I feel loved when a person celebrates my birthday with meaningful words (A)

23. I know a person is thinking of me when they give me a gift (C)
       I feel loved when a person helps me with my chores or tasks (D)

24. I appreciate it when someone listens patiently and does not interrupt me (B)
       I appreciate it when someone remembers special days with a gift (C)

25. I like knowing loved ones are concern enough to help with my daily tasks (D)
       I enjoy extended trips with someone who is special to me (B)

26. I do not mind the “kiss-hello‟ with friends I am close to (E)
       Receiving a gift given for no special reason excites me (C)

27. I like to be told that I am appreciated (A)
       I like for a person to look at me when they are talking (B)

28. Gifts from a friend or loved one are always special to me (C)
       I feel good when a friend or loved one hugs or touches me (E)

29. I feel loved when a person enthusiastically does some task I have requested (D)
       I feel loved when I am told how much I am appreciated (A)

30. I need physical contact with people everyday (E)
       I need words of encouragement and affirmation everyday (A)

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Now go through your quiz again and count how many “A, B, C, D and Es” you circled. Place the number in below for each category.

A: ________ B: ________ C: ________ D: ________ E: ________


Which letter has your highest score? That is your primary love language.

There are 5 primary love languages:
* A = Words of Affirmation
* B = Quality Time
* C = Receiving Gifts
* D = Acts of Service
* E = Physical Touch

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The five love languages

Words of Affirmation

One of your deepest needs is the need to feel appreciated. Verbal compliments, words of appreciation,
encouragement, kind and humble words are all ways to show love to you.

Quality Time

You enjoy doing things TOGETHER! We are not talking about just sitting in front of the T.V. together but really giving each other undivided attention. This means looking at each other, talking to each other, sharing your life with your partner.

Receiving Gifts

You are happy to receive things from your loved ones. They do not have to be expensive. The gift is a symbol of your partner thinking about you and caring about you.

Acts of Service

For you, actions speak louder than words! You prefer your partner to do things for you such as cooking a meal, giving a massage, cleaning the room… You like your partner to initiate the acts of service and put efforts into doing them to show that s/he cares.

Physical Touch

You love to receive a hug, a kiss, squeezes on the shoulder, a pat on the back, a touch of the face, and an arm around the waist... Touches can be 10 times as powerful and comforting as any words!

How to speak your partner love language?

Assuming that you have learnt your partner’s love language, after taking the quiz. It is now time to learn to speak it. Speaking a new (literal) language means learning the right things to say as well as the wrong. Languages are rarely simple – you have to learn cultural idioms, faux pas, and taboos so you can avoid them. Just as certain behaviors will make them feel incredibly loved, other behaviors will be devastating. This image and description below illustrates the most important points on the things to do and things to avoid when communicating love to your partner, based on their love language.

This is meant to be a starting point, so may these pointers help get you thinking about what you can do specifically for your spouse!

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Love Language: Words of Affirmation

How to communicate: Encourage, affirm, appreciate, and empathize.
Actions to take: Send an unexpected note, text, or card. Encourage genuinely and often.
Avoid: Non-constructive criticism, not recognizing or appreciating effort.

Love Language: Physical Touch

How to communicate: Non-verbal – use body language and touch to emphasize love.
Actions to take: Hug, kiss, hold hands, show physical affection regularly. Make intimacy a thoughtful priority.
Avoid: Physical neglect, long stints without intimacy, receiving affection coldly.

Love Language: Receiving Gifts

How to communicate: Thoughtfulness, make your spouse a priority, speak purposefully.
Actions to take: Give gestures and gifts thoughtfully, with and without special occasion. Even small things matter in a big way. Express gratitude, when you are given a gift.
Avoid: Forgetting special occasions.

Love Language: Quality Time

How to communicate: Uninterrupted and focused conversations. One-on-one time is critical.
Actions to take: Create special moments together, take walks and do small things with your spouse. Weekend getaways are huge.
Avoid: Distractions when spending time together, long stints without focused one-on-one time.

Love Language: Acts of Service

How to communicate: Use action phrases like “I will” and “I’ll help…”. They want to know you’re with them, partnered with them.
Actions to take: Do chores together or make them breakfast in bed. Go out of your way to help alleviate their daily workload.
Avoid: Making the requests of others a higher priority, lacking follow-through on tasks big and small.

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About Dr. Chapman

With more than 30 years of experience as a marriage counselor, Dr. Gary Chapman has heard it all. He has helped couples at every stage of marriage and at pivotal points in their relationships—from those just discovering the joys and trial of marriage to those who are ready to call it quits.

After many years of counseling, Dr. Chapman noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own.
Of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Since The 5 Love Languages® debuted in 1992, over five million copies have been sold, making The 5 Love Languages® a perennial New York Times bestseller. But numbers don’t measure the influence the book has had on couples and their marriages.

The 5 Love Languages® has helped countless couples identify practical and powerful ways to express love, simply by using the appropriate love language. Many husbands and wives who had spent years struggling through marriages they thought were loveless discovered one or both spouses had long been showing love through messages that were not getting through. By recognizing their different love languages, they witnessed the rebirth of the love they thought had been gone for good.

The book has been translated into more than 40 languages and is healing marriages around the world!

Sources and Additional Information:
“The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” by Dr. Gary Chapman

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