Adult Romantic
Relationships
Although Bowlby was primarily focused on understanding the
nature of the infant-caregiver relationship, he believed that attachment
characterized human experience from "the cradle to the grave." It was
not until the mid-1980's, however, that researchers began to take seriously the
possibility that attachment processes may play out in adulthood. Hazan and
Shaver were two of the first researchers to explore Bowlby's ideas in the
context of romantic relationships. According to Hazan and Shaver, the emotional
bond that develops between adult romantic partners is partly a function of the
same motivational system--the attachment behavioral system--that gives rise to
the emotional bond between infants and their caregivers.
Hazan and Shaver noted that the relationship between infants and caregivers and the relationship between adult romantic partners share the following features:
Hazan and Shaver noted that the relationship between infants and caregivers and the relationship between adult romantic partners share the following features:
- both feel safe when the other is nearby and responsive
- both engage in close, intimate, bodily contact
- both feel insecure when the other is inaccessible
- both share discoveries with one another
- both play with one another's facial features and exhibit a mutual fascination and preoccupation with one another
- both engage in "baby talk"
On the basis of these parallels, Hazan and Shaver argued
that adult romantic relationships, like infant-caregiver relationships, are
attachments, and that romantic love is a property of the attachment behavioral
system, as well as the motivational systems that give rise to caregiving and
sexuality.
Implications of Adult
Attachment Theory
The idea that romantic relationships may be attachment
relationships has had a profound influence on modern research on close
relationships. There are at least three critical implications of this idea.
1. First, if adult romantic relationships are attachment relationships, then we should observe the same kinds of individual differences in adult relationships that Ainsworth observed in infant-caregiver relationships. We may expect some adults, for example, to be secure in their relationships--to feel confident that their partners will be there for them when needed, and open to depending on others and having others depend on them. We should expect other adults, in contrast, to be insecure in their relationships. For example, some insecure adults may be anxious-resistant: they worry that others may not love them completely, and be easily frustrated or angered when their attachment needs go unmet. Others may be avoidant: they may appear not to care too much about close relationships, and may prefer not to be too dependent upon other people or to have others be too dependent upon them.
1. First, if adult romantic relationships are attachment relationships, then we should observe the same kinds of individual differences in adult relationships that Ainsworth observed in infant-caregiver relationships. We may expect some adults, for example, to be secure in their relationships--to feel confident that their partners will be there for them when needed, and open to depending on others and having others depend on them. We should expect other adults, in contrast, to be insecure in their relationships. For example, some insecure adults may be anxious-resistant: they worry that others may not love them completely, and be easily frustrated or angered when their attachment needs go unmet. Others may be avoidant: they may appear not to care too much about close relationships, and may prefer not to be too dependent upon other people or to have others be too dependent upon them.
2. Second, if adult romantic relationships are
attachment relationships, then the way adult relationships "work"
should be similar to the way infant-caregiver relationships work. In other
words, the same kinds of factors that facilitate exploration in children (i.e.,
having a responsive caregiver) should facilitate exploration among adults
(i.e., having a responsive partner). The kinds of things that make an
attachment figure "desirable" for infants (i.e., responsiveness,
availability) are the kinds of factors adults should find desirable in romantic
partners. In short, individual differences in attachment should influence
relational and personal functioning in adulthood in the same way they do in
childhood.
3. Third, whether an adult is secure or insecure
in his or her adult relationships may be a partial reflection of his or her
experiences with his or her primary caregivers. Bowlby believed that the mental
representations or working models (i.e., expectations, beliefs,
"rules" or "scripts" for behaving and thinking) that a
child holds regarding relationships are a function of his or her caregiving
experiences. For example, a secure child tends to believe that others will be
there for him or her because previous experiences have led him or her to this
conclusion. Once a child has developed such expectations, he or she will tend
to seek out relational experiences that are consistent with those expectations
and perceive others in a way that is colored by those beliefs. According to
Bowlby, this kind of process should promote continuity in attachment patterns
over the life course, although it is possible that a person's attachment
pattern will change if his or her relational experiences are inconsistent with
his or her expectations. In short, if we assume that adult relationships are
attachment relationships, it is possible that children who are secure as
children will grow up to be secure in their romantic relationships. Or, that
people who are secure as adults in their relationships with their parents will
be more likely to forge secure relationships with new partners.
