Foreplay, mixing it
up, and expressing your feelings are behaviors that satisfied couples do
regularly, according to new study.
You may agree or not, but scientific data supports the
point of view that talking about love, whilst in bed, is even more important
than foreplay and wearing sexy lingerie, to ensure you are sexually satisfied.
The study, one of the largest of its kind to date,
examined what contributes to a satisfying long-term sex life. The findings
indicate that foreplay, setting the mood, mixing it up, and expressing love are
all behaviors that satisfied couples said they do regularly.
Researchers from Chapman University in the US analyzed
the answers of 39,000 married or living together heterosexual men and women who
have been with their partner for at least three years.
They found that sexually satisfied men and women engage
in more intimate behavior, with 75 percent of satisfied men declaring that they
say "I love you" whilst they have sex and 74 percent of satisfied
women saying the same.
The phrase was uttered by just 49 percent of dissatisfied
men and 44 percent of dissatisfied women.
"Almost half of satisfied and dissatisfied couples
read sexual self-help books and magazine articles, but what set sexually
satisfied couples apart was that they actually tried some of the ideas,"
said Dr David Frederick, assistant professor of psychology at Chapman
University and lead author of the study.
The team learned that the overwhelming majority, 83 percent,
of respondents are sexually satisfied in the first six months of the
relationship.
However, only half of them reported currently being
satisfied (43 percent of men and 55 percent of women), with the rest feeling
dissatisfied (41 percent of men and 27 percent of women) or neutral (16 percent
of men and 18 percent of women).
An unexpected finding was that while sexual variety is
deemed important for sexual satisfaction, "evidence on the effectiveness
of specific forms of variety, such as showering together or wearing lingerie or
use of sex toys, is lacking,” said Dr. Frederick.
The study also found that setting a romantic or sexual
mood or sending a teasing text earlier in the day appears to help sexual
satisfaction. Nearly half of sexually dissatisfied women (43 percent) said that
they were “just going through the motions for my partner’s sake” compared to
only 13 percent of sexually dissatisfied men during their last sexual
encounter.
A factor that helped secure good sex was laughing about
something funny that happened whilst making love. The study also showed, how
couples stop having sex so much after the first few years of their
relationship, and has to work to make it a priority.
So, let us just summarize the main findings, which you
may take and use right away. You do like mind-blowing sex, right?
Here's what you should know:
1. Nearly Everyone
Is Happy With Their Sex Lives at First, but That Drops
This was no big surprise, as the time brings the
particular desensitization, when two loving individuals start living together,
sleeping together, using the same bathroom, and arguing on the garbage
disposing and dirty socks. However, it is possible to keep your level of sexual
satisfaction with partner high, if you know exactly what it takes.
2. Part of It Was
Just About Frequency
People who are happier are having more sex. Out of the
satisfied group, 79 percent of men and 81 percent of women were having sex at
least once a week, compared to around 20 percent of the dissatisfied group — so
a used bed is a happy bed. But the researchers stressed it's hard to tell if
having more sex means more satisfaction or vice versa.
3. For Men,
Satisfaction Means Mood Setting, Sexual Variety, And Communication
So obviously sexual satisfaction doesn't mean the same
thing to everyone, but there seemed to be a difference between men and women.
The biggest indicators for men were: having the right mood, sexual variety, and
communication. Which makes sense, because communication is always important
and, if we're talking long-term, I can imagine you'd want to change it up a
bit.
4. For Women,
Satisfaction Means Orgasms, Mood Setting, and Communication
As you can see, the number of orgasms matter to women in
a way they don't to men. It would be interesting to see if that changes with a
younger demographic, who seem to be closing the orgasm gap. But communication
and mood appeared for both men and women, showing how important they are for
long-term sexual satisfaction.
5. These Five
Things Are the Most Important When Talking About Sex
But all the different ways we communication about sex
were valuable. The study identified five different behaviors:
* Say they praise their partner for something they did in
bed
* Are asked by their partner for something they want
* Ask for something they want from their partner
* Talk on the phone or email with their partner during
the day to tease about something they want
* Ask for feedback on how something felt
The more of these engaged with, the more likely they were
to be satisfied. This emphasizes how important a holistic, compassionate
approach is to discussing your sex life.
6. Those Three
Little Words Make A Big Difference
Saying "I love you" isn't just important in the
beginning of a relationship. When it came to mood setting, which was in the top
three for both men and women, those three little words were very important: 75
percent of sexually satisfied men and 74 percent of sexually satisfied women
reported that "I love you" was said during their last sexual
encounter, which was only the case with 49 percent of dissatisfied men and 44
percent of dissatisfied women.
So if you are looking for the best, most direct way to
reconnect and set the mood, this is it.
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